I’ve heard it said that “remember when” is the lowest form of conversation, but still when it comes to this business some memories just stick and you find yourself going there for a few laughs: the players, the bosses, employees, like characters out of a loony bin. As you think back on the stories you’re hit right away with that old, but very accurate expression, as fresh as if you heard for the first time – “You just can’t make this shit up!”

 

This brings me to the story of “Joe”, one crazy lunatic of a guy who used to call our customer service department and scare everyone half to death, especially the customer service girls. A real nasty son of a bitch, he sounded like “Tommy” from Goodfellas (Joe Pesci), with that same sharp, piercing tone of voice. Unloading the same frightening threats on us with just as much fluid vulgarity, as if Satan himself were calling up to drag us down to hell personally.

 

We all dreaded answering the phone on those days when this prick would call. Eventually we even had to get the bosses involved, which helped a lot due to their experience and ingenious ways of dealing with these guys. In this case when crazy Joe would call, we would transfer it directly to one boss in particular with special savvy on irate players. He would pick up and immediately say, “Hold on a second Joe”, then put the call on speakerphone for the whole office to hear. He would then say, “OK Joe, go ahead!” leaving Joe to continue his rant while everyone listened. When Joe took a break from screaming to refuel his anger, the boss would wave his arms toward us (the employees) as if conducting a symphony orchestra, directing everyone to laugh out-loud hysterically, humiliating Joe, and trying to break him down. But this was not enough to defuse this guy, no, Joe was a true tough guy! Apparently he was stuck on the idea that we had ripped him off… I can’t remember what it was, a fee maybe we charged him for a payout, or some action requirement on a bonus, etc. I really can’t remember the details but I do remember the incessant harassment and the phone calls from hell.

 

About two weeks into this nonsense, a customer service girl announces she had a call coming in from Joe’s phone number (caller ID)… The boss said, “If that’s Joe send him to me!” The customer service girl picked up and began talking with someone on the other side (who we imagined was Joe). But shortly after shouted to the boss “It’s Joe’s mom, she wants to talk to you”! We were all set back by this, thinking to ourselves “What the F’k Joe’s Mom!” She transferred the call to the boss, who after a few seconds discovered that “the apple certainly doesn’t fall far from the tree!” Joe’s mom was almost as much of a prick as he was!! The boss got furious and insisted to speak with Joe, “Put Joe on the phone god damn-it!” Once again putting the call on speakerphone, and grinning ear to ear (wise guys love this shit…). We could hear Joe’s mom saying “Joe they want to talk to you… come and get on the phone!” And while we waited, the boss kept screaming “Joe get on the phone god damn it!” And Joe’s Mom just kept on saying, “Wait a minute, He’s coming!”

 

There was some ruckus and rustling around, we could hear Joe in the background cursing and babbling, then some furniture being moved. All this confusion got the boss more and more agitated, shouting “What the fuck is going on over there?! Get Joe on the phone!!”

 

Now here’s the part that put us all in stitches. After all the build-up for weeks: the scary phone calls, the nasty threats that he was coming to Costa Rica to “track down each and every one of us!” After all that, Joe’s mom comes out with something totally unexpected. I mean we’d heard a lot of crazy stuff over the years but this one took the cake. She says “OK, Joe is now getting up on the chair to talk on the phone!” Again, everyone’s thinking… “What the F’k!” The boss says “What do you mean Joe’s getting UP on the chair?!” Joe’s mom responds, “Joe’s a Little Person, didn’t you know that?!”

 

We all looked around in shock and amazement, then we hit the floor in spontaneous, gut wrenching laughter, not because Joe was a dwarf but because we were all sincerely and genuinely relieved. The truth is, we had all been shaking in our boots for weeks thinking some Mammaluc, Goomba was coming down to break our legs!! And wouldn’t you know it, after everyone calmed down, Joe got right back into it, crazy as ever, screaming and yelling at the boss! Crazy, crazy little man! I often wonder about Joe, if he’s still playing, and who he’s frightening the wits out of these days. I guess that’s why God makes people like Joe small in stature, because if they were full size we’d all be done for!