THE SURVIVORS

Here in the Offshore Sportsbook Industry apart from the English speaking Costa Rican or other Latin/Caribbean employee (which is a whole other multitude of crazy stories) we have the North American/Canadian or European employees, who basically fall into about three main categories. And although constituting only about 20% of the workforce, they bring with them an array of personal problems and drama: First there’s the Drunk, who shows up late, hung-over and disheveled but usually performs pretty well mainly because the players (who they themselves are a little rough around the edges) tend to put up with him and his mindless jibber jabber. Then there’s the Druggie, who depending on his drug of choice, is either constantly going on cigarette breaks or to the bathroom to snort, smoke or swallow whatever it is he’s on; and his work performance is also determined by his drugs of choice, like Cocaine/Crack or Meth will help him make a lot of phone calls, which translates into sales. So the druggie can be a big asset to the company for a while… until you find out all the other crap that comes along with their drug use.

 

In this same group, we have The Junkie (Opiates/Oxy & other pills) who go to the bathroom just as often, leaving dusty yellow powder flakes and residue on the top of the toilet-tank lid (because once they push some of that shit up their noses, they can’t even remember how to wipe themselves let alone clean up the drug trail behind them). The Junkie just spends half the day drooling at his desk with crusty yellow powder around the edges of his nostrils and if he actually gets a customer on the phone, he smothers him with nonsensical memories and stories about nothing, forgetting all about what it is he’s supposed to be doing… Closing! Hence, the Junkie doesn’t last very long in the business.

 

Then, rising up from out of the ashes are “The Survivors” – and these are the guys who used to belong to the aforementioned groups – The Ex-drunk, Ex-Druggie, and Ex-Junkie. And from within this group we find the Bosses! But for one reason or another, maybe because of higher IQ, or maybe because they’ve hit their “bottom of bottoms” and survived it, the bosses are often very quirky M’Fkers!

 

I remember one boss (a shrewd/scary, lifelong bookie) who besides going to meetings six days per week (sometimes twice per day) to keep his alcohol, drug, gambling, and anger management problems at bay, also went to a psychiatrist where he worked out a whole pile of terrible and secret phobias. One of which (that we knew about) being the “Fear of Birds”! And for someone living in Costa Rica, this is a totally ridiculous thing to suffer from, because birds can literally be seen everywhere!

 

We used to watch him leave the office swearing to himself, saying: “Shit-fuckers”, “Fucking-Bastards”! We thought he was angry with us for something we might have done, but then we realized it was because of “The Birds”(real or imaginary)! While walking to his car he would dodge and duck them, swearing under his breathe (as if the “swooping birds” were coming at him like 85 mph screwballs!). It was also rumored that this poor guy suffered from the Fear of His Own Reflection too, since he removed all mirrors and reflective objects from wherever he happens to be. The truth is, he really did take all the mirrors off his car… Crazy stuff, right! We also noticed that he messed around with his eyebrows a lot, as if protecting them from someone he thought might tamper with them or steal them. We thought this might have been a phobia too (if there’s such a thing), and we used to joke about what “the birds” might do if they got a hold of his eyebrows! A really, really crazy guy, but brilliant… a real Roxy Roxburgh.

 

Anyway the list of ludicrous people and things go on and on in this industry, and I’ll lay them out as we go along, but I guess the moral of today’s story is this: If you’re all full of piss and vinegar, with big plans to get clean and make a fresh start, my recommendation is to maybe start your journey by going somewhere like Kansas and find the Nazarene Church, instead of thinking about moving to a place like Costa Rica or other Latin American country, where the booze, drugs and hookers flow just as hot and viscose as the lava that flows out of the Pacific Ring of Fire that surrounds these tropical countries.